Life of Scott

Imagination unleashed.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Worst Hangovers

At the risk of writing too many articles referring to alcohol, I will write one more. This time about hangovers, which probably should have been written on New Years Day. There are so many different types of hangovers.
  • The typical 6-pack hangover is most often a weekday hangover because you can usually sleep it off on Saturdays. This one starts with a mild headache (four Tylenol), mild nausea (skip breakfast), and exhaustion (coffee). Cured by 9am unless you work in a steel shop. Then it is cured the first time you almost cut your finger off.
  • The wine hangover is strictly a headache. No real cure except Tylenol and TV. Be sure to turn the volume down.
  • The Las Vegas hangover usually occurs in the airport on your way home. I don't know if there is a cure, but it sure as hell is NOT getting into a plane for four hours. That just makes you nauseaus and then you want to cut off the fat arms of the guy next to you and kill the whiny kid four rows up (what the hell are kids doing in Vegas, anyway?) and throw the still-frozen breakfast banana at the captain for hitting turbulence.
  • The poker night hangover has no cure. It is a rotten mix of still-drunk and fighting off pukes. It is never a good idea to plan things the day after a poker night. One time I had a haircut at 11am after going to bed at 8am and the haircutter was a friend of my mom's and I thought I was all smooth asking for the receptionist's phone number. But there I was in yesterday's clothes smelling like a cleaning bucket after a wrestling match.

I am sure there are others, but here are my top (bottom) five hangovers.

  • 5.) St. Patrick's Day 2005 -- I woke up in Joe's bed (thankfully Joe was not there for reasons I will leave to his own blog) an hour after I was supposed to be at work. This was after arguing with a cop that Joe didn't deserve a parking ticket and he should rip it up. All the while making it more and more clear that I was tanked and this was not my car, yet I was about to drive it home, so fuck you and your ticket.
  • 4.) New Years Eve 2004-2005 -- I woke up in my own bed with a trashed room and an open bottle of absinthe on my desk. After a shower, I was looking for my guitar picks so I could brush up on my work-in-progress, Boston's "Peace of Mind." I was also looking for the perfect pair of underwear for the day. When I bent over to find my picks, a potted plant fell on my head from the TV on my dresser. My hair was still wet, which made mud and roots all over me and my clean underwear. Happy new year!
  • 3.) Poker Night #2 -- I woke up in my own bed after a 12-hour game and another drunken breakfast from the bagel joint down the street. We also lost Evan on our way to that pre-sleep breakfast and managed to drink three more beers before finding him. On the walk back, I found a garage that opened with my student ID and I started exploring. But then the door came down and I did a terrific Indiana Jones dive-and-roll just before the door made it all the way down. It felt terrific then, but it couldn't have been that great because I had a steak-shaped bruise on my side for three weeks.
  • 2.) Halloween 2004 -- I woke up in my own bed without my girlfriend, but with Kevin sleeping in my easy chair. And still dressed like Luigi, except without our plunger because I lost that somewhere. I left my then-girlfriend at a party while she was in the bathroom because I thought she left. Then when I went back to pick her up, she got red hot pissed at me and walked home. I had foolishly signed up for a racquetball tournament that next morning and was in fine shape for it. After the score was 5-5, the room started spinning and I got cold sweats. By the time the second game was 0-10, al I thought was if I didn't score those first points, I'd be done by now. Then I had to buy roses for the girlfriend.
  • 1.) New Orleans -- We drank 27 of 29 days on our US Road Trip. The two sober days were Sunday and Monday after New Orleans. I woke up with my knees on the floor and my chest on a hotel bed. Joe's face had dried blood on it in the other bed from when he went the wrong way out of the casino at 5am. We tried to have every specialty party drink there -- jager tutters, body shots, some grenade thing, and 56 others. We lucked into a heat wave that morning on our way west on Interstate 10. 105 degrees and humid as hell in a car with no air conditioning. Joe was his usual chipper hungover self, bitching about how the Wendy's was too crowded and I just curled up on the passenger seat and tried not to puke any more than I already had that morning.

Thank God you learn not to drink so much as you get older.

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4 Comments:

Anonymous Joe said...

"Halloween" 2004 is missing the best part. About how you went to pick your then-girlfriend up on your motorcycle, and then couldn't get it started to actually drive her home and she walked away super-pissed. This was actually a good thing.

12:28 PM  
Anonymous Kevin said...

I'm honored that I made the list (#2!) and feel slightly guilty that I may have contributed to some of that misery. I don't feel any remorse for polishing off the mac n cheese while you were off not starting your motorcycle.

1:41 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

I enjoyed the fact that you brought a cocktail with on your motorcycle when you went to pick her up.

4:42 PM  
Blogger Heidi said...

If this were my list, Jaegerfest at your apartment would have made #1, with pictures to accompany. Uggghhhhh taco meat...

1:32 PM  

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