Life of Scott

Imagination unleashed.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

To Catch a Predator

Amanda and I have watched two episodes of Dateline: To Catch a Predator. It is a mostly hilarious show that sets up and traps adults who chat with little girls and boys and eventually go to a house to meet them for sex. It is hosted by Chris Hanson -- one of those newscasters who almost certainly winks at himself in the mirror and practices facial expressions before he leaves in the morning.

Before I go any further, I must admit that anyone over the age of 16 who tries to have sex with a 13-year-old deserves whatever he gets. Even high school senior-freshman combinations are a little weird to me. I work near a university and even the college freshmen look so young any more! And since I still look just as awesome as ever, it must be them and not me that are changing.

That being said, I would rather leave my daughter (if I had one) with any one of the pedophiles (victims?) than with Chris Hanson. I think that if the not-so-little girl posing as a 13-year-old were to say no, the pedophiles would all leave and apologize. But Chris Hanson just keeps being annoying and saying retarded shit. One victim, when Chris Hanson showed his faggy face from behind his hiding wall, claimed he was going fishing and just stopped by to say hello to this little girl. He insisted, "I have my fishing license and my pole and my tackle box, I was just going fishing." And Chris Hanson came back with a real zinger, "The only thing you're fishing for is sex with a 12-year-old!" When he reviewed the tape, he said aloud, "Good one, Chris. No no... great one. If they made an award for witty remarks, you would win the shit out of it."

I say victim because these adult "decoys" get online posing as little girls and say the most lewd, alluring, and sexual things they can think of, then quickly mention 13 years old and then back to the sexy stuff. It's like showing a glass of 25-year-old Macallan scotch to a recovered alcoholic, smelling it and sipping it in front him, saying "MMMM, THIS IS SO GOOD, I AM GOING TO DRINK 15 GLASSES AND I WILL FEEL WAAAAY BETTER THAN YOU BECAUSE ALCOHOL IS AWESOME AND TASTES LIKE HEAVEN ON ITS WAY DOWN WHERE IT WARMS YOUR BELLY LIKE 15 GLASSES OF PURE HAPPINESS." Then when the rummy reaches for the glass, you call his wife to tell her. Sure he should have the sense to leave, but it still doesn't seem right.

After a few victims are captured, the show gets tired. Everyone says the same thing. I was just coming over to hang out. She said she was 18. It was a slip of judgement. This is my first time. This is the last time. These condoms aren't mine; I borrowed my friend's pants. Chris Hanson always pops out from behind the hiding wall like that giant hand with a face painted on it from Pee-Wee's Playhouse that scared Pee-Wee every time, except the hand at least shut up when Pee-Wee screamed and ran away.

The girl is always 12 or 13 years old. Never ever 14. I assume this is because it is always illegal to try to sleep with a 13-year-old. There are probably circumstances where it is legal to get with a 14-year-old, maybe if you just got out of prison or her parents are hippies or during natural disasters. Or if the year is 1425 and you usually get cholera for your 19th birthday.

The show reminds me of when people used to attend public hangings. It indulges the voyeur in everyone. Like children poking a dead fish on the beach or rubber-neckers gawking at a traffic accident. We all want to feel good about ourselves; seeing someone else's misery is a great reminder that a long commute and a boring job are not so bad.

My rating: 7.5 (out of 10).



Anonymous Madtown Ry said...

Very funny and I could not agree more. Sure your an idiot for a number of reasons, for instance:

1.) for trying to have relations with a pube-less girl.
2.) for not scoping the place out first.
3.) for not kicking chris hansens ass when you found out he busted you.

However, it does seem like there are significant issues with entrapment here. As well, I would venture to guess that while Chris doesn't actually attempt to meet young girls, he may practice his skin flute thinking about such things from time to time... just a guess.

I, too, am annoyed with this crap... almost as annoyed with this show as I am when they bust prostitutes on cops for engaging in pornography (minus the camera). While I am at it... a note to all prostitues... get a camera... set it up... and now your legally making pornography (at least i think so???)

12:55 PM  

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