Life of Scott

Imagination unleashed.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Nine Emotions

I was discussing with Cassie this morning the complexities of human emotions. Specifically, we were talking about my grandma, whose 85th birthday is today. Congratulations on making it this far, Gramma! Every day you live is a day you drive up the average human life span.

In this discussion, I decided Grandma has nine emotions.

  • Angry
  • Hungry
  • Sad
  • Thirsty
  • In love
  • Having to pee
  • Happy
  • Depressed
  • Diarrhea

This, I am sure, holds true for everyone. Combinations of these nine basic emotions are also common across people. Do not think you are unique because you have a special combination of sad and pee feeling. I used to feel that way all the time just before I would pee my pants in school. Then, when the kids started laughing, it turned to a depressed feeling. Maybe hungry, too, if it was near lunchtime.

As should be obvious by now, other emotions are merely subsets and combinations of the above basic nine emotions. Nervous is just a side effect of having to pee. Frustrated is just sad and angry. You understand this now. Tell this to your psychology professor and she will be impressed, which is mixing hungry and in love.

Let's try something more complex. Suppose you are entering a kissing competition without a partner, so you will be paired up with someone. You are sad because you have no girlfriend, but you might also have to pee because you drank so much Listerine, which contains alcohol, a diuretic. Then there is a power failure and you get paired up with your mom, but you don't know it's your mom so you kiss her real hard and win the competition just before the lights go on. Now you are happy because you won, but depressed because your mom is old with soggy tits, and also in love because she is your mom and used to cut the crust off your sandwiches just because she was nice back then.