Life of Scott

Imagination unleashed.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Career Counseling

Once upon a time, I took a survey in eighth grade that was meant to guide me through career choices based on interests and abilities. Because I thought dolphins were pretty kick-ass and because I also enjoyed the sciences, I was told to be a marine biologist.

Of course, I know now that there are probably 50 marine biologists in the whole country and they are all tied up trying to convince the Chinese fish to stop eating mercury. But back then I was pretty excited about petting dolphins for a living and water skiing to work.

I would have a submarine instead of a car because my commute would be underwater. This is because my office would be on the bottom of the ocean with guns mounted on the roof to shoot lunch. And I would have a fish tank in the office, which would drive the fish wild! They would see all their friends several feet away -- so close, yet so far. And when it got dark, all the sharks would come by to watch me work like I am the one in a fishbowl in their living room. (Only they would be wrong because occasionally I would shoot them dead!) But eventually, the pirates would show up and pillage my office, get my files all wet, and steal my submarine. That would leave me stranded at the bottom of the ocean with nothing to do but shoot fish until I ran out of air.

Those career counseling sessions are so stupid.


Dispensing Soap

Scott: Hello there, Soap Dispenser!
Soap Dispenser: ...
(press, press, press, press, press, press)
Soap Dispenser: Sppth!
Scott: Give it up!
(press, press, press, press)
Scott: Give it up like the dirty whore you are!
Soap Dispenser: ...