Life of Scott

Imagination unleashed.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Worst Trends of Christmas

  • The lengthening of the Christmas shopping season takes all the fun out of it. Not that shopping was ever fun for any reason, but it really grates on you when one quarter of the year has that little train that goes out of control in your nightmares and cotton stuffing draped over the whole mall.
  • Gift certificates are a waste. The MasterCards not affiliated with a particular store are even worse. At least giving me a Best Buy card ensures I will spend it on something more fun than my electric bill. There is no way to spend exactly $35 anywhere and it eats me up to have $2.18 leftover on a card.
  • Accessories. Just because I like my Xbox does not mean I need a fan stand and I sure as hell don't need a thermometer to hang on my parka because I like skiing. I can't feel my fingers, I don't care whether it is fucking freezing or just really fucking cold.
  • Gift exchanges. Don't tell me what to get you. If we have to set a price point and I tell you what to get me, let's not bother. You buy your fancy pepper mill and I'll buy my whiskey; then we won't have as much to carry to dinner.
  • Gag gifts. I don't need a New Kids on the Block poster and I sure as hell won't listen to Hanson's Snowed In, so don't bother spending $40 on a short laugh. You would get a bigger laugh out of a fart.
  • Holiday blockbusters are the worst they have ever been. Not that the tripe people used to watch was very good -- I saw parts of those formulaic Bing Crosby films -- but I can't imagine anything worse than Jingle All the Way or Deck the Halls.
  • Christmas albums from pop stars. I blame Target Moms for this. If you ever go shopping during the day on a weekend, you will see the problem for a large portion of society's problems. These good-looking women are out with nothing to do all day except spend money on anything and everything they see. In summer, they buy every picnic accessory, in the fall, they buy everything shaped like a leaf. But around Christmas, they buy anything that says Santa or Snow -- including Hanson's Snowed In.



Anonymous Joe said...

How dare you make fun of holiday films? I thought that Home Alone was our thing...

9:33 PM  

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