Life of Scott

Imagination unleashed.

Monday, July 24, 2006

The Red Rocket

Last weekend, I ran a 4-mile race. This was the Winking Lizard "Shot in the Dark" race that finishes at the beer tent with a burger waiting for you. I would never in a hundred years think of doing this, but the lovely Emily asked and I said yes before I thought the better of it.

I prepped for the race by getting half-drunk the night before, plus it was 400°F outside and my pre-run meal was a salami & cheese sandwich, so I was ready to break records. I wore my best shiny shorts, my most sleeveless shirt, and new synthetic socks guaranteed to give you four extra horsepower.

Ready to race!

By the time I got to stretching near the starting line, I was spent. I was sweating all over the place and had already drunk all of my water. My legs were cramping up, I had to pee, and my shoes were too tight. The starter yelled for us to go and I wanted to cry.

I was doing pretty well around what I thought must have been the end of the race. I started coming up with names for myself, most notably, "The Red Rocket," because of my hair and my incredible speed. I imagined running across the finish line and splashing water on my face while the crowd hoists me on its shoulders. Maybe I would become a local celebrity and use my recognition to lauch my music career.

Then we pased the one-mile marker. That was when I knew I should have just stayed at the bar. Emily summed it up when she said, "You must really not be enjoying this; this is the quietest you've been since I met you."

After making Emily go slow with me the entire way, I sped ahead of her the last few steps so I could say that I beat her. It was my way of saying, "Thanks for inviting me to run this awful race."


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