Life of Scott

Imagination unleashed.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Life's Lessons

Today's lesson is a simple one. It seems so obvious, but I had to learn for myself.

If the very first thing you do in a day is break a bone, you should just stay in bed.

And thus ends an awful day. It was just my little toe, but the point stands strong.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

TiVO and Shitty TV

I recently upgraded my life from version 7.81.0095 to version 7.84.0020

This is a big point release and includes such upgrades as a TiVO, expensive aftershave, and a nice microphone. The aftershave and microphone are nice, but the TiVO changes things. I can now watch Full House reruns whenever I want, which is almost constantly. There is something very satisfying about pressing the Thumbs Down key for bad shows. It is almost worth flipping through all the shitty TV just to press Thumbs Down. That way, someone, somewhere knows that Star Trek sucks.

Which brings me to my next point. This is a used TiVO and its previous owner liked Star Trek a lot, so I have to re-rate all the nerd shows as Three Thumbs Down. I don't even have three thumbs, but for those shows, I'll put someone else's thumb down.

Spider-Man 3 Comes to Cleveland

As most Clevelanders already know, Spider-Man 3 will be filming in the streets of Downtown Cleveland from April 17-29. Not coincidentally, I will be taking those days off work. I am filming my first movie, Spider-Man 3. I play the part of Agitated Pedestrian #6, a man who is intolerant of Spidey's web-swinging ways. It is a fairly complex role, considering there are no spoken lines. AP#6 is tormented by his past, having left his family and horse farm in upstate New York to pursue a business interest that is not panning out as well as he had hoped. Along comes this hot-shot photographer-turned-superhero acting like he owns the place that AP#6 had to sacrifice so much to be a part of. All this must be portrayed in under one second of screen time, which goes to show you the level of my acting ability. You can't use CGI to get that kind of raw, oft-overlooked emotion. As my friend Matt once said, "I am the bomb. At acting."

The non-actor types around here must worry about the street closings. Euclid Avenue will be close from E. 18th to Public Square for the duration, which encompasses my apartment building (the beloved Statler Arms). Were I not part of the cast, I would be forced to stockpile water and supplies for the nearly two weeks of isolation. The building would become lawless and the fat tenants would become food, just like Lord of the Flies. I would be Ralph because Jack thought it was awesome to hit a high-C note while Ralph was busy building a stereo so they could have some tunes at their sausage-fest parties besides Jack's homo girl-singing.