Life of Scott

Imagination unleashed.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Sick Day

Going on my ninth day of being sick. My debilitating chest cold has somewhat slowed to a nagging cough that still wakes me up at night. Thankfully, I was not left alone to recover my health. This morning, I noticed crusty stuff in my eyeball and it was all red. PINK EYE. This is no ordinary case of pinkeye, though. This eyeball is so bad, it can infect you just by making eye contact. Your regular eyeballs are no match for my pink eye.

Scott: Hello, friend.
Friend: Hi. What's wrong with your-- OMG! I JUST CAUGHT PINK EYES!
Scott: Don't forget CRUSTY EYES!
Friend: My eyes are a dumb crapfart.

This play is best read aloud and remember, "OMG" is pronounced OH-EM-JEE.

I also have some sort of itchy rash around my neck. Maybe I'm allergic to echinacea and goldenseal root. I am almost certainly overdosing on some of these OTC medicines. The first day I felt truly awful, I went to the pharmacy and learned I cannot get Tylenol Cold until the pharmacist is in. To teach them a lesson, I drank half of a 12-oz bottle of Robitussin and a glass of whiskey. But whiskey never gave me a rash before.

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