Life of Scott

Imagination unleashed.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

2005 In Review

Two thousand and five was a momentous year for many of us. Some people were born, other people died, and still others lived the entire year through. Nine events and items of interest defined the year best for me.

The very first thing that happened in 2005 should have been a warning. I was searching for my guitar picks in my underwear drawer after my shower. I was still nursing my New Years hangover and bending over was not fun. It was way less fun when my potted plant fell off the TV on my dresser and broke over my head, filling my underwear drawer with dirt and muddying up my head after my shower. Luckily, my head is hard like a rock. A rock with orange hair and a lantern-like jaw.

Joe and I finished our Masters of Engineering and Management. Worth the money and an entire year of our lives? Maybe. We got jobs and made some friends with whom we no longer keep in touch. It did allow us to spend time together, which brings us to...

Spring Break 2005 was spent at my grandma's retirement community in Sarasota, Florida. Highlights include relaxing on the linai (which is what old people call a porch), convincing Beth that it is OK for me to drink and drive because I can do it better than everyone else, and Byron Shull trying so very hard to get with Beth while also trying so very hard to remain constantly drunk and high (because he "gets weird otherwise"). Unfortunately, I slept with Joe all week.

St. Patrick's day was a huge success and also marked the first time I ever went out for the holiday. Evan and I both had to work the next day, so we cut our partying short after 275 drinks at 1:45am. Between arguing with the cop writing Joe the parking ticket, driving off stone drunk while he watched, waking up in Joe's bed (thankfully without him there), and then showing up an hour late to work (I forgot to set Joe's alarm clock), it made the next day's headache bearable. I won't even go into Joe's side of the story.

School did end eventually and that gave way immediately to our Road Trip two days later. Notice the capitalization. Our Road Trip took us 9,200 miles across 26 states in 29 days. What kept us going were Motel 6, IHOP, and our gas cards. Not to mention my XM radio and lots of beer. This trip really deserves its own entry and will eventually get one. Regrets from the trip: we did not visit the "Mystery Area" near Mount Rushmore; we did not stay longer in Leavenworth, the Bavarian-themed town (even the Howard Johnson had crazy script writing on a wooden sign); that terrible awful hangover from New Orleans; and we should have taken two months instead of one. We also should have gone to the drag queen club, but Joe was all worried about accidentally getting aroused and me making the rest of the trip awkward.

The summer party at Joe's was the last stop before jobs and apartments and responsibilities. We drank a lot, sang some songs, and ate a pig. No one chased alpacas, Suzie did not break the barn this time, but there were fireworks and friends.

Entering the working world was not bad. New job, new apartment, new car, new couch, new guitar, and much more! It is more enjoyable than school and I can go out during the week now. What's better is I don't feel like any more of an adult except I can afford to do the things I want.

Like go to Las Vegas on a whim. Joe, Evan, and I decided one day that we wanted to go to Las Vegas in three weeks. Three weeks later, we had a ball. We won money and lost money and drank and ran around town. Pete Rose refused to sign my hooker cards because he's an asshole. Evan and I took 85 towels from the maid cart, just in case we ran out. It turns out the hooker places have Caller ID and would not even take our calls after five or six of them. The phone pimps obviously do not have business degrees. We also discovered Strategic Double-Uppery. Because of its 50% odds, it is statistically the best bet in the house. You can double up over and over again, and since it will always be the best bet in the house, you should always do it. Unfortunately, the laws of probability say that you will eventually lose with this strategy. The laws of probability forget to account for all the gin we drank, though.

And then the foray into adult dating. No longer do I meet people in classes or at parties. Who am I kidding? I never met anyone at a party anyway. In fact, I left a girlfriend at a party once, so I am into the negatives for party hook-ups. Adult dating is like kindergarten lunch time. Who you are seen with determines who you can sit with. If you walk in with the dude in cargo shorts, black tennis shoes, and a plaid shirt, you are not sitting with the pretty girls. But if you wear your vertical-striped shirt, do you hair, and pretend you don't care about anything, watch out ladies -- your clothes might fall off!

Tim and Katie got married and I got to be Best Man. I remember the caterer needed someone to carry the three-layer cake across the room full of classic cars to the table and I was the only one around. I had so many visions of bad sitcom moments where I would carry the cake and stumble and toss the cake into a $4M convertible, but it worked out all right. Kevin and Martha got engaged -- I will be Best Man in that wedding, also. My sister, Jenny, and Brian also got engaged. My parents finally finished up the divorce and everyone else complains about their pain-in-the-ass spouse, so good luck to all you young lovebirds as your best years are spent bickering about who doesn't listen to whom and who works harder in the relationship.

I read in a book that most people get happier and sadder every day. That means today, you are the happiest you have ever been and also the saddest you have ever been.

I will end with a joke I invented and told my boss. What do you call an elephant running through a shopping mall? Who cares, I slept with your wife! ...and your sister.


Anonymous Joe said...

Where is the classic picture of in our Masters gowns drinking Dortmunders? C'mon...

5:27 PM  
Anonymous Miss Mandy said...

Are you kidding me?! What about the pool parties and Fall Foilage 2005?! We'll see if the Great Pumpkin flies out of the most sincere pumpkin patch next year to bring you toys! Just you wait!!!

6:31 PM  

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