Life of Scott

Imagination unleashed.

Monday, January 23, 2006

New Song Posting

This is not really a "new" song. This was my first recorded song from back in Autumn, 2004. It features me on rhythm guitar, me on lead guitars, and me doing some sloppy editing with Adobe Audition.

You may recognize the rhythm track from a beer-soaked party. Before it was "Severe Sarah," it was Wearing Course

Newsletter Archive

All five editions of the popular 2004 "Friendly Newsletter" are now archived on a crappy free file hosting server. Please forgive the ads. If I had an actual website, we wouldn't need an external file server and there would be no ads. But it would also be little lines of text because I forget everything I ever learned about making websites.

Here they are:
Newsletter 1
Newsletter 2
Newsletter 3
Newsletter 4
Newsletter 5

We were just kids with dreams and nothing to lose.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Neutral Milk Hotel

This is important.

One of my Top 5 albums of all time is called, In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, by Neutral Milk Hotel. I thought maybe it was just me and a cool album. I had never heard of it and then stumbled upon it by accident a few years ago. Then an entire book was written about the album in the 33 1/3 series. Then a full-page article shows up in the latest Scene magazine. New versions of old reviews are showing up on music sites.

Anyway, there is an enormous amount of hype around this 1998 release right now, with rumors of the band's reclusive writer and frontman, Jeff Magnum, possibly returning to the music scene. Do yourselves a favor and download the album (or buy it -- I promise it is worth the $14). Listen to the album all the way through. You will immediately like several songs and, after a few listens, will like the whole album and love some of it. Except "Oh, Comely." That one still sucks.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Reflections Upon Turning 24

Holy crap. I went to the dentist on my birthday in a valiant show of my maturity. No one even told me to do it. Then I ate a brownie that Courtney made for me to make up for it. The real kicker: I told the dental hygenist about the brownie.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Coming of Age

I was in the gym yesterday, drying off, when I noticed hair growing in new places. It was on my back! I felt like the boy from those puberty videos in junior high.

Little Scotty: Uh, Coach? Can I talk to you about something?
Coach Stroker: Sure, thing, Little Scotty. What's on your mind?
LS: Well... I've been noticing some changes lately on my body and also in my mind.
CS: You better shut the door. And the blinds. Lock it, would you? Yes, that's right. Now. What about your body?
LS: It's my penis, Coach.
CS: Well, Little Scotty. You've come to the right place, because I've seen a lot of penis in my days.
LS: That is weird.
CS: Nonsense. Now pull down those Levi's and let's have us a look. If you could bend over for a few minutes, I am going to check you for butthole cancer.

Except instead of the gay pedophile dialogue, there was only me in front of a mirror.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

2005 In Review

Two thousand and five was a momentous year for many of us. Some people were born, other people died, and still others lived the entire year through. Nine events and items of interest defined the year best for me.

The very first thing that happened in 2005 should have been a warning. I was searching for my guitar picks in my underwear drawer after my shower. I was still nursing my New Years hangover and bending over was not fun. It was way less fun when my potted plant fell off the TV on my dresser and broke over my head, filling my underwear drawer with dirt and muddying up my head after my shower. Luckily, my head is hard like a rock. A rock with orange hair and a lantern-like jaw.

Joe and I finished our Masters of Engineering and Management. Worth the money and an entire year of our lives? Maybe. We got jobs and made some friends with whom we no longer keep in touch. It did allow us to spend time together, which brings us to...

Spring Break 2005 was spent at my grandma's retirement community in Sarasota, Florida. Highlights include relaxing on the linai (which is what old people call a porch), convincing Beth that it is OK for me to drink and drive because I can do it better than everyone else, and Byron Shull trying so very hard to get with Beth while also trying so very hard to remain constantly drunk and high (because he "gets weird otherwise"). Unfortunately, I slept with Joe all week.

St. Patrick's day was a huge success and also marked the first time I ever went out for the holiday. Evan and I both had to work the next day, so we cut our partying short after 275 drinks at 1:45am. Between arguing with the cop writing Joe the parking ticket, driving off stone drunk while he watched, waking up in Joe's bed (thankfully without him there), and then showing up an hour late to work (I forgot to set Joe's alarm clock), it made the next day's headache bearable. I won't even go into Joe's side of the story.

School did end eventually and that gave way immediately to our Road Trip two days later. Notice the capitalization. Our Road Trip took us 9,200 miles across 26 states in 29 days. What kept us going were Motel 6, IHOP, and our gas cards. Not to mention my XM radio and lots of beer. This trip really deserves its own entry and will eventually get one. Regrets from the trip: we did not visit the "Mystery Area" near Mount Rushmore; we did not stay longer in Leavenworth, the Bavarian-themed town (even the Howard Johnson had crazy script writing on a wooden sign); that terrible awful hangover from New Orleans; and we should have taken two months instead of one. We also should have gone to the drag queen club, but Joe was all worried about accidentally getting aroused and me making the rest of the trip awkward.

The summer party at Joe's was the last stop before jobs and apartments and responsibilities. We drank a lot, sang some songs, and ate a pig. No one chased alpacas, Suzie did not break the barn this time, but there were fireworks and friends.

Entering the working world was not bad. New job, new apartment, new car, new couch, new guitar, and much more! It is more enjoyable than school and I can go out during the week now. What's better is I don't feel like any more of an adult except I can afford to do the things I want.

Like go to Las Vegas on a whim. Joe, Evan, and I decided one day that we wanted to go to Las Vegas in three weeks. Three weeks later, we had a ball. We won money and lost money and drank and ran around town. Pete Rose refused to sign my hooker cards because he's an asshole. Evan and I took 85 towels from the maid cart, just in case we ran out. It turns out the hooker places have Caller ID and would not even take our calls after five or six of them. The phone pimps obviously do not have business degrees. We also discovered Strategic Double-Uppery. Because of its 50% odds, it is statistically the best bet in the house. You can double up over and over again, and since it will always be the best bet in the house, you should always do it. Unfortunately, the laws of probability say that you will eventually lose with this strategy. The laws of probability forget to account for all the gin we drank, though.

And then the foray into adult dating. No longer do I meet people in classes or at parties. Who am I kidding? I never met anyone at a party anyway. In fact, I left a girlfriend at a party once, so I am into the negatives for party hook-ups. Adult dating is like kindergarten lunch time. Who you are seen with determines who you can sit with. If you walk in with the dude in cargo shorts, black tennis shoes, and a plaid shirt, you are not sitting with the pretty girls. But if you wear your vertical-striped shirt, do you hair, and pretend you don't care about anything, watch out ladies -- your clothes might fall off!

Tim and Katie got married and I got to be Best Man. I remember the caterer needed someone to carry the three-layer cake across the room full of classic cars to the table and I was the only one around. I had so many visions of bad sitcom moments where I would carry the cake and stumble and toss the cake into a $4M convertible, but it worked out all right. Kevin and Martha got engaged -- I will be Best Man in that wedding, also. My sister, Jenny, and Brian also got engaged. My parents finally finished up the divorce and everyone else complains about their pain-in-the-ass spouse, so good luck to all you young lovebirds as your best years are spent bickering about who doesn't listen to whom and who works harder in the relationship.

I read in a book that most people get happier and sadder every day. That means today, you are the happiest you have ever been and also the saddest you have ever been.

I will end with a joke I invented and told my boss. What do you call an elephant running through a shopping mall? Who cares, I slept with your wife! ...and your sister.

Monday, January 02, 2006

New Year's Eve 2006

Another year, another drink, what's the difference anymore? This will be my first "regular" blog entry in that it will be like a personal journal instead of random crap.

The New Years party at Shooters had its ups and downs. Among the many ups were its all-star celebrity turnout: Tony Danza, Jody Sweetin, and Bob Uecker, just to name a few. The can't-miss combo of open bar and dinner buffet were offset by the complete lack of cab service after the party, the not-so-clever trick of giving us crappy liquor when we ordered good stuff, and the understaffed bar.

The best parts I can still remember are here. Please leave comments if I forget anything.
  • Evan stealing the enormous bottle of champagne and getting away with it
  • Evan getting the bottle taken away from him when he went back inside
  • "Finding" a miniature bottle of champagne everywhere -- behind ears, up asses, you name it!
  • "Drinking" every bottle I found before midnight
  • The prime rib
  • Cassie and my cousins spending 20 minutes trying to figure out how to use the elevator (which is the same as every elevator you have ever used, I promise)
  • Trying so very hard to drink 400 beers after we got home -- we made it as far as two
  • Peeing in the river from the deck, just like I said I would when I was sober enough to think I was joking
  • Mandy and Molly spending the first two hours deciding what to drink while waiting to start drinking in order to keep from getting too drunk
  • That weirdo, Rufo, humping Grant's butt
  • Grant's butt
  • Everyone's butt
  • Some dude starting to tell Mandy that she is so wonderful until I told him she was my girlfriend. Then he told me I am the luckiest guy in the world and he wishes us the best. I bet he went back to his fat old wife after that.
  • Breakfast
  • Joe in the trunk
  • "Yes, Crown Royal is included in the open bar."
Some of the worst parts are here.
  • "I'm sorry. We are out of Crown Royal. What else would you like?"
  • Waiting, calling, and compaining about the lack of cabs
  • Running a shuttle service instead of playing with the meter and pissing off a cabbie
  • "Hey! Can I get a drink?! Please! I'm over here! No... right here! Me next!"
  • That awful club-mix medley of Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, and Guns 'n Roses
  • Cassie's boobs being everywhere
  • Complete lack of karaoke
  • New Year's headaches
  • Another several pounds on my waist
All in all, a fine time.