Life of Scott

Imagination unleashed.

Friday, December 30, 2005

Important Facts for New Years Eve

Put down the prune juice, you old fucker. It's past your bedtime.

The new year heralds new opportunities and new hangovers. These are some helpful tips to make your celebration more enjoyable.

  • Open bar and buffet does not mean "Eat and drink until you puke or die." But goddammit, you are getting your seventy dollars' worth.
  • Always carry a freezer bag with you, especially if you are planning on puking while driving home.
  • Never drive home if you are drunk enough to puke. Drive to a freind's house so your wife/mother/babysitter/children won't give you shit about driving drunk again.
  • If you blow that little party horn near me one more time, I'm going to shove it up your ass.
  • Dressing up like a baby is fun, but you are not getting laid if you shit that diaper.
  • Liquor before beer is good for an engineer. Beer before liquor is also good for an engineer. Now hurry and fetch papa another whiskey.
  • Unless you are over 80 or a poodle, leave the novelty 2006 eyeglasses at home.
  • Attendants at a New Years Eve Singles party are the drunkest, most lonely people in the world.
  • Everyone knows how sad you are and how little you have to show for yet another year of your meaningless life. Just like in college!
  • Be excellent to each other. And party on.

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